Jayme Woods

Writer. Geek. Adventurer.


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Teen Wolf 6B: Said the Spider to the Fly Photo Recap

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You know how they say art mirrors life? Well, “they” (whoever they are) are right again. Take for instance the season premiere of Teen Wolf. Ice sculptures thawing into fiery hunks? I just call that Tuesday. Spider-infested wolves creeping on lacrosse practice? Yawn.

But sometimes even super relatable supernatural dramas hit a little too closely to home and this episode WENT THERE. I mean, we get it. Wounds heal. Like, say, if someone leaves you for the mother of dragons. People move… sometimes to Twin Peaks. It happens. And even though we know that person’s love for Teen Wolf is real, it still stings, you know?

I think we all know who I’m talking about here. The hilarious Price Peterson is no longer doing his Teen Wolf photo recaps for legit business reasons. Fair enough, but I think I speak for a lot of us when I say Price’s recaps were the #2 greatest thing about Teen Wolf. #1 being [insert your favorite thing here… mine is Liam, if I’m being honest].

Can we really be mad though? Price saw us through cartoon beasts and Steampunk Cenobites and Beacon Hills High School’s very real need to vet its teaching staff. He’s earned a season of reading these things as a spectator, am I right? Let’s make that happen. I’ll kick things off with episode one and I’m hoping other bloggers in the fandom will keep this thing alive all the way through the finale. It’ll be like that scene in Harry Potter where everyone raises their wands to Dumbledore. Except Price is still alive. And my Hogwarts letter is lost in the mail. But otherwise it’s exactly the same.

Not going to lie, I’m feeling very Liam about this – a little confused, a lot conflicted, maybe a little growly at having to make snarky and insightful observations on my own. Or maybe I’m Theo here? Trying to usurp the True Alpha and failing miserably… but in a totally trustworthy way? There’s really only one way to find out.

Let’s talk about Said the Spider to the Fly.

A lot has happened since Scott and Stiles rode off into that JJ Abrams sunset flare. For starters, Scott is assistant lacrosse coach now! He’s got a whistle and everything.

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Meanwhile, in what might be the most shocking twist since Werejaguars-are-a-thing, teens are in the locker room – you’ll never believe this – putting clothes ONTO their bodies. Also, Corey and Mason are planning to go to the same college because, apparently, they’re seniors now? I mean, sure, Corey was basically hopeless at school last year (and a sophomore?), but Lydia’s study notes are awesomesauce, okay? Let them have this.

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In other news, some kid named Diaz is about to steal Liam’s spot as lacrosse captain. Does that make him the new Jackson? Or is he Scott in this scenario? Season 4 Liam? Unclear. But I think we can all agree rude is rude and nothing is more rude than a sweaty, blood-soaked wolf interrupting lacrosse practice.

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But plot twist! The wolf is the victim here. I don’t know about you, but personally I also get super grumpy when spiders crawl around inside my skull then come skittering out my eye sockets.

It’s not just one wolf either. Nope. A whole mess of spider-filled wolf piñatas went and died across an entire… field? Meadow? Clearing? I don’t know forestry, but I do know Beacon Hills has got problems. The biggest of them being that Stiles is no longer in the opening credits! The nerve! The OUTRAGE! The…

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Sorry, what were we talking about? My brain gets fuzzy when Parrish is around.

Oh right. Spider-filled wolf piñatas. Liam is understandably freaked out. His girlfriend left him, his wolf daddy is leaving him, and now there are SPIDERS. There’s only so much one sweet, squishy, rage-monster can take. Thankfully, Scott reminds Liam of the three things that cannot long be hidden: the sun, the moon, and a were-daddy’s love for his beta. ❤

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Meanwhile, deep beneath Eichen House a 100-year-old were-popsicle is thawing and SURPRISE it’s a fiery beast!

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But whatevs. Seen it. The real news is that the school library has been burgled! All the books on supernatural creatures have vanished. Now I’m not pointing fingers or anything, but this just happened to coincide with the arrival of a certain guidance counselor.

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There is a hilarious/terrifying scene during which Corey definitely does not feel invisible. Ever. At all. Then I felt half a second of pity for poor traumatized new kid until I remembered he’s the jerk from the trailer who stabs Corey with a pen. Nolan = on my list.

Speaking of lists, Lydia used her banshee powers (I guess?) to make a list of all the supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills… because that has never been problematic in the past. Yep. There’s zero chance this list is going to fall into the hands of Shady McShade (The guidance counselor’s name, btw. True facts.)

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In any event, Principal Martin has other problems. About a hundred of them. Furry, rat-shaped problems that have come spewing into school through… vents? Drains? I don’t know. But Liam and Mason were on the case! And it led them straight to a giant, festering pile of bloody rat corpses. Seemed like a clue, but Malia was unconcerned.

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She did not have time for these children or their rat problems. She was ready for MEN. French men. Isaac, to be specific. To which I say, sign me up.

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What were two teen sleuths to do? Well, as everyone knows, when your werecoyote pal refuses to help investigate a mysterious rodent death, the next logical step is a rat autopsy. And who better for the job than Melissa McCall? I mean, sure, Deaton is a veterinarian and graduated valedictorian of his Druid school (probably). And, let’s be honest, he’s the dude you go to for plot-necessary exposition. But, like, he was at the movies, okay? You can’t smuggle snacks in there. Even the bloody rat kind.

But Melissa didn’t appreciate Malia’s cooking and she definitely didn’t have time for teen shenanigans.

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Elsewhere, a were-popsicle was stealing clothes Terminator-style (90% sure), lurking about schools, and creeping on Parrish. I mean, cars and cell phones and electricity and skinny jeans are cool and all, but Parrish’s appeal is timeless, you know?

Then Liam wolfed out in public and were-popsicle was all, “Parrish who?”

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Liam was having a tough day, to be sure. Know who was having an even less awesome time? Lydia. The answer is always Lydia. This poor girl has a way of finding herself in the most terrifying situations – in this case, a giant spider web. Worse, it was a chatty spider web. Like, Lydia just wanted to scroll through her phone and be left alone, but the thing insisted on lecturing her: Wild Hunt, terrifying beast, you let it out, blah, blah. No one asked you, spider web!

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Do you want to know what’s really scary, though? Beacon Hills High School is still offering late night study hall. Don’t get me wrong. SATs are important, but you know what’s not great for test scores? Death. How many innocent randos have to make poor life choices (remember season 3 guy who stuck his arm under a DUMPSTER? The tetanus alone…) before everyone just stays home, you know?

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Anywho, were-popsicle was on the hunt for Liam, and Parrish was on the hunt for were-popsicle, and in no time two flaming men were destroying the high school, as per usual. Parrish, being the gentleman he is, was not interested in all this senseless violence and stepped outside for a quick nap. He definitely was not KO’d, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.

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Then the were-popsicle tussled with Liam and scratched him all up and then… THEN he melted Mason’s baseball bat.

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Stiles gave him that bat! It was a whole thing. This dude clearly has no respect for other people’s property, and that is a fact. He does, however, love cryptic warnings. “You idiots released a monster. Must put it back before it kills you all.” Sound familiar? Clearly, he’d been talking to the same spider web as Lydia. Unfortunately, he went and got himself shot in the face before he could offer any actual useful information. Typical, were-popsicle.

The real shocker though is the person who pulled the trigger – Shady McShade, a.k.a. the woman being entrusted with guiding and counseling the youth of Beacon Hills.

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More importantly, do we have to start calling her Shady McArgent now? Because how else did she get that bullet? Was Nolan one of the kids Scott & Co. hid from the Wild Hunt in Argent’s bunker? Did he snitch to Shady like an ungrateful little weasel? I have questions.

But who has time to worry about any of that? Stiles is Stiles-ing up the FBI! And guess who’s on the FBI’s radar for mass murder? Derek!

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But, like, is it Derek’s fault if he’s minding his own business, doing shirtless chin-ups in the woods, and people just happen to go into cardiac arrest because DEREK HALE IS BACK AND ALL OF OUR DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE?!

Answer: maybe?

Overall, Said the Spider to the Fly was a thrilling, funny, satisfying hour of television.

P.S. though: where is Theo? That guy does not have the greatest track record, so maybe keep tabs on him. More importantly, I’m guessing the Dread Doctors weren’t huge on birth certificates and social security cards, so can he even get a job? Rent an apartment? Is he huddled in a storm pipe somewhere living off squirrels? Until the show tells me otherwise, I choose to believe he’s squatting in Derek’s loft, wearing Derek’s henleys, and pondering how to make a Liam-Theo spin-off a reality because I NEED that in my life.

What did you guys think?

Does anyone want that ticket to Isaac France that Malia is apparently not using?

How do you think Shady got that Argent bullet?

What great evil do you think the pack accidentally unleashed?

If Derek does a shirtless chin-up in the forest and no one sees it… did it happen?

‘Kay, bye!


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Greetings from the Revision Cave!

I’m happy to report my first draft revisions are all wrapped up. I actually finished a few days ago *just* in time to meet my self-imposed deadline – the October 8 release of The House of Hades. If you’re wondering, “deadline” means I refused to let myself buy HoH until I finished. Motivation thy name is Percy Jackson.

With the revisions now in the hands of my trusty CPs, I’ve also had a bit of time to catch up on things like scrubbing my bathroom (joy) and throwing a proper viewing party for Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.

If that tablecloth looks familiar, it’s because it’s the playing card from my sister's Now You See Me  party butchered into what were supposed to be checker squares. Just go with it.

If that tablecloth looks familiar, it’s because it’s the playing card from my sister’s Now You See Me party butchered into what were supposed to be checker squares. Just go with it.

Unfortunately, my brain’s still in revision mode. While watching Wonderland, all I could think was, “Man, this could’ve used some editing.” I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it. I’m sure as heck not saying I’m not tuning in next week. I think we all know I am.

What I’m getting at is this: the Wonderland pilot gave me clearer perspective on my own revisions. It was hard, painful even, to bring the ax down on some of my “darlings,” but most debut authors don’t have the benefit of an established world like Wonderland (or a franchise like Once Upon a Time). We’re inviting readers in for the first time. If we take a lengthy detour into the Mallow Marsh readers might not wait for us to get unstuck.

mallow marsh 2

Sometimes these little detours, while dear to the author, are more like speed bumps for the reader. They kill the momentum when the audience just wants to know when the heck Jafar’s going to show up.

While we’re on the topic of villains, one of the most common complaints I’ve read online is that the Red Queen on Wonderland was trying too hard to be the Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time. Don’t sell your characters short trying to make them the “next” Hermione Granger, Percy Jackson, or KHAAAAAAAN (sorry, couldn’t resist). Give us someone new to love/hate/ship.

But that’s enough shop talk for me. I’m going to enjoy the rest of these lovely white chocolate coconut bars…

If you're wondering why these aren't on a cute serving tray, it's because it is impossible to pick one up without eating it. Seriously good.

If you’re wondering why these aren’t on a cute serving tray, it’s because it is impossible to pick one up without eating it. Seriously good.

…before I hear back from my CPs and attack the Mallow Marshiest bits of my revisions with the ferocity of a feral Cheshire Cat.

Are you wrestling revisions? Did you enjoy Once Upon a Time in Wonderland? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.


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10 Reasons I Loved the New Percy Jackson Movie

Anyone who’s read the book can tell you Sea of Monsters wasn’t perfect. Plot points got rearranged willy-nilly. Parts I loved didn’t make it at all. Having said that, I loved Sea of Monsters. Here are 10 reasons why:

***MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD***

10. Clarisse
I’m just going to get this one out of the way. When Leven Rambin got cast, my first reaction was, “Justin Russo’s angel girlfriend is going to play Clarisse? Are you kidding me?!” But I actually liked Clarisse. I liked her so much I wish we’d gotten more of her (like her scene with Ares).

P.S. I love Wizards of Waverly Place and Justin Russo. No hate intended. :)

P.S. I love Wizards of Waverly Place and Justin Russo. No hate intended. 🙂

9. Young Grover
You can never have enough Grover. Or Luke or Annabeth or Thalia, for that matter.

8. George and Martha
I thought for sure these two would hit the book-to-movie chopping block. I’ve never been happier to be wrong. Their performance was perrrrrfect.

7. Overall Sense of Humor
George and Martha weren’t the only comedic touches I appreciated. I felt the whole movie was closer to Riordan’s sense of humor. For instance, Percy has just broken loose on a yacht adrift in his home turf. The dude’s literally surrounded by one giant weapon… and what’s Luke’s biggest concern? His boat’s pretty white paint job. The look on his face when he said, “Don’t walk on my roof.” It slays me.

hermes - killing these shorts

6. Mr. D
Speaking of humor, how awesome was it to finally hear Mr. D butcher Percy’s name?!

5. The Oracle
Okay, she wasn’t supposed to be in this movie. I get that. But since she got cut from The Lightning Thief, I sort of feel like this was the filmmakers’ way of apologizing to fans – and what an apology it was. First off, whoever designed that attic set (and the rest of Camp Half-Blood) deserves a giant stack of blue waffles. So cool. The Oracle herself was exactly what I’d hoped – creepy and awesome and THOSE EYES! Cap it off with that stained glass backstory scene, and the entire sequence made we want to fist bump every single person associated with the movie.

4. It was just so pretty!
I’m no movie expert, but Sea of Monsters struck me as really beautifully lit, framed, and edited. Say what you will about Circeland not being book-accurate, but that place was gorgeous on screen. The transition from Oracle’s eyes to Percy’s gave me shivers. I could go on and on.

3. Grover in a Dress
Does this one need an explanation? Sure, the scene was condensed down to almost nothing, but it was there. And it was awesome.

grover googly eye 2

2. Smart Budget Choices
Let’s face it. The Princess Andromeda was dinky. So dinky they dropped the “Princess” from its name. And, yes, the CSS Birmingham was run by zombies instead of the awesome skeleton/ghosts described in the book. But those are sacrificing I’m willing to accept if it means the movie gets made, especially when so many other things – Rainbow (I want one!), the bronze bull (how cool was that thing?), and Charybdis’s gaping maw – are all executed flawlessly.

And, finally…

1. TYSON!!!

Tyson two ways

It’s no secret I love Tyson. A lot. If they’d botched him, no amount of awesomeness could’ve saved this movie for me. Thankfully, they didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I hated that Percy didn’t get to bond with Tyson prior to Camp Half-Blood. My heart broke when Tyson didn’t shout “Pony!” upon meeting Chiron. To be honest, I was on the fence… until Tyson explained how he’d accidentally scared a bunch of campers in the woods. With his big sad Cyclops eye, he added, “And I’m pretty sure I smiled.” With that line, he won my heart. After that, I was willing to forgive pretty much anything – even a prematurely resurrected Kronos.

My biggest disappointment? I wish Sea of Monsters had been longer, more leisurely paced. But, you know, it could’ve been three hours and I’d have still wanted more! Speaking of which, since I’m making lists, here are 5 reasons Titan’s Curse NEEDS to be a movie:

1. We all know Luke’s not dead. I want to see him put the hurt on Polyphemus.
2. Need. More. Thalia. I can’t wait to see her go toe-to-toe with Percy.
3. Who ISN’T stoked to get their first glimpse of Nico? Bring on the di Angelos!
4. Blackjack. (Yo, boss!)
5. MORE TYSON! 🙂

What did you think of Sea of Monsters? Should Titan’s Curse be a movie? Let me know in the comments!