Jayme Woods

Writer. Geek. Adventurer.


Leave a comment

The Day of the Doughnuts

Confession time: I’m a Power Ranger fan. As in, I grew up on Mighty Morphin, am currently up to date on Ninja Steel, and just about died from joy after seeing the new Power Rangers reboot in theaters. Needless to say, when I heard about Power Rangers doughnuts at Krispy Kreme, I was so there.

For anyone who doesn’t know, this is the LAST weekend to get Power Rangers doughnuts! If you loved the movie, Go-Go show Krispy Kreme some love by April 2. Let’s get this sequel made one delicious doughnut at a time.

The doughnuts are chocolate-glazed, “Kreme”-filled delights sprinkled with I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-Goldar sparkles. Topping it off is a sugar lightning bolt in the color of your choice. But, really, the only choice here is one dozen or two?

I guess my sister and I never learned not to play with our food because this happened before we actually ate our doughnuts:

Doughnut Command Center

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi! Rita’s transformed the Rangers into doughnuts, Zordon!

20170328_182959

2-1-Power up!

20170328_183602

The original Sheldon Cooper.

20170328_183414

Forever Red!

What did you think of the Power Rangers movie? Which Ranger would you like to eat in doughnut form? Let me know in the comments!

Advertisements


Leave a comment

5 Songs That Make Me Want to Dance

To celebrate the release of Brooks Benjamin’s My Seventh-Grade Life in Tights, I’ve compiled a list of 5 songs that make me want to dance. Anyone who’s tried #5amWritersClub knows how tough it can be to drag out of bed before the sun, but these 5 jams get me on my toes every time:

1. Shake it Off, Taylor Swift
Let’s be honest, no dance playlist is complete without this one.

2. Take on Me, a-ha
Not only one of the best songs ever, but an epic piece of Chuck history. Win-win!

3. Run It Back Again, Corbin Bleu
The repeat button makes me feel like a time traveler, and this song gives me an awesome excuse to use it!

4. Better When I’m Dancing, Meghan Trainor
Who doesn’t feel better when they’re dancing? (This one’s for you, K)

5. Girls of Rock and Roll – The Chipmunks and Chipettes
If this one doesn’t make you dance, you might be Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. Maybe have someone check for a pulse.

BONUS NINJA FREESTYLE!
Thinking ‘Bout Somethin’, Hanson
Because every playlist needs more cowbell.

It’s by no means a comprehensive list, but hopefully at least one of those got your toes tapping.

Don’t forget to check out My Seventh-Grade Life in Tights and happy dancing!


10 Comments

The Power of Cliffhangers (a.k.a. FITZ LIIIIVES!!)

**SPOILER WARNING**

This post contains spoilers for Once Upon a Time, Castle, Sherlock, and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Proceed at your own risk.

***I’M SERIOUS! SPOILERS AHEAD***

shield group

See there? Spoilers already.

So, let’s talk about cliffhangers. I have a love/hate relationship with these little devils. On one hand, speculating what’s going to happen next helps fill the time between novels, movies, or (for purposes of this post) television seasons. I mean, seriously, is there anyone who wasn’t stoked to get this little tease on Once Upon a Time:

elsa

Unfortunately, cliffhangers aren’t always just tantalizing glimpses of what’s to come. They often put characters we love in mortal peril. How did Castle escape that burning car? I DON’T KNOW, DANGIT! But I know he did. And I want to know how. It reminds me of a certain English detective who jumped off a building back in 2012. We all knew he survived. But how? HOW? Speculation kept the Sherlock fandom in full swing for two agonizing years.

As a writer, I respect a great cliffhanger. I still can’t hear the words, “Guys, I know Kung Fu,” without a twinge of jealousy that I didn’t write them.

And of all the cliffhangers this season, there’s none that’s got me more invested than the fate of one Leopold Fitz. For those of you who don’t watch Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Fitz was last seen bobbing unconsciously in the ocean after being hauled up 90 feet by his biochemist partner, Jemma Simmons. If you don’t know why this hurts my heart, grab a tissue and hold on tight:

And that’s the last time we see him conscious. THE LAST TIME, people. No happy reunion where the whole team gathers around his hospital bed. No follow-up scene with Simmons holding his comatose hand and vowing to do whatever it takes to save him. Nope.

That’s not even the worst of it. Once Simmons hauls him to the surface, they’re rescued by Nick Fury. Nick stinkin’ Fury! Think how bummed Fitz’ll be he missed a chance to meet the man himself. It breaks my heart, really, it does.

What’s next for Fitz? We get a few hints. Fury confirms Fitz’s “heart’s still beating, just barely” but warns his amazing little brain went “without oxygen a long time.” At the end of the episode, when the team asks about him, Simmons merely replies, “he’s alive.”

Of all the times for the sunshiny little know-it-all to go laconic on us!

So what does it mean? Well, I did a little digging. Here’s the short version:

THE SHORT VERSION:

FITZ LIIIIVES!!

monkeys rejoiced

THE LONG VERSION:

WARNING: I’m not a medical professional. Everything you’re about to read is the result of poking around on the Internet. If you are a nurse, diving instructor, or someone with expertise in the matter I’d love to hear from you! 🙂

Here’s what we know:
> Ward jettisoned Fitz and Simmons into the ocean somewhere off the coast of Peru.
> Fitz says they’ve sunk “at least 90 feet.”
> When the window blew, water rushed in with enough force to “knock the wind right out of [them]”
> Fitz rigged a device to “let out a burst [of air] at very high pressure” that “force[d] a breath” into Jemma’s lungs

Okay, so let’s do a little back of the napkin math. Average swim speeds are surprisingly hard to come by, so I’m just going to assume Jemma swam 0.5mph, which seems conservative for someone swimming for their lives, even if they are hauling a soggy Scottish engineer behind them.

napkin math

Assuming my ballpark speed is accurate, Simmons made the swim to the surface in just over 2 minutes. This, my friends, is awesome news given the Survival Rule of 3, which says, “On average a person can only survive for 3 minutes without air.”

But Fitz said “at least” 90 feet? At least! What if it was farther? What if Simmons didn’t swim in a straight line? What if Fury’s helicopter exerted pressure on the water and made it harder for Simmons to break the surface? Curse you, Fury, and your stylish shades!

saved my ship

In that case, here are a few more interesting time frames to consider during a drowning situation:

30 seconds to 1 minute – the airway closes. Child’s lips turn blue.
1 to 2 minutes – the child looses consciousness.
2 to 5 minutes – the heart can stop. The child has a chance of survival if rescued now.
5 minutes plus – permanent brain damage is occurring as each second passes.

Whatever the variables, we know Simmons made it to the surface on a single breath without blacking out (while towing said soggy engineer behind her). For an untrained diver who “didn’t pass [her] field assessments,” it’s unlikely she lasted long enough to put Fitz in the danger zone.

But wait! That’s not all. During my research, I also happened across a bunch of other cool stuff like the mammalian diving reflex , the benefits of near-drowning in salt water versus fresh water , and this fun little gem from The Doctor Will See You Now : “About 75% of near-drowning victims who receive medical treatment survive. Of these, approximately 6% will be left with long-term neurological problems.”

Does that mean Fitz is looking at a 94% chance of full recovery? I don’t know. So why am I telling you all this?

WHY I’M TELLING YOU ALL THIS

There’s no denying I’m a fangirl, but first and foremost I’m a writer. And, as a writer, it’s important to remember readers today have access to an unprecedented amount of information. The above is what happens when you give a fangirl an hour alone with Google. An hour. That’s someone bored in the doctor’s waiting room or looking to fill the S.H.I.E.L.D. shaped hole in their Tuesday night. Let that soak in. It’s more important than ever for writers to do our homework!

Second take-away: Once you’ve done your research, remember this is a creative decision, not science class. The perfect storm of awesome could bring Fitz back to our screens (unharmed) in the first episode next season. Or the perfect storm of suckitude could give him a whole checklist of near-drowning complications that spur Simmons to perfect GH-325. Or any scenario in between. As long as the writers deliver an equally awesome payoff when the bill comes due, I don’t think anyone will complain.

In the meantime, it’s fun to speculate. What do you guys think? Will Fitz make an immediate recovery? Or does he have a longer road ahead of him? I’d love to hear your thoughts (and theories) in the comments.


Leave a comment

May the 4th Be with You

HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!!

My sister and I saw The Internship the other day, and we spotted her desk organizer, Chip the Desk-Bot, sharing the screen with none other than Mr. Dylan O’Brien. Hers is on the right:

stiles with robot

What does that have to do with Star Wars day? Well, apparently, Dylan O’Brien’s dream role is Han Solo. And Chip’s is Chewy. My sis knows these things. So I decided to do some (very rough) photo manip to make that happen because: (1) it’s Star Wars day, (2) the world needs more Dylan O’Brien and Chip the Desk-Bot, and (3) I like making dreams come true.

So without further ado, I present Dylan and Chip’s Star Wars photobomb:

Chip shot first:

chip shot first w text

Is this Leia chick strawberry blonde? Green eyes? Five-foot-three? No? In that case…

stiles dont care w text

A long time ago in a trash compactor far, far away…

trash compactor w text
That’s enough nonsense from me. May the 4th be with you.

Always.


4 Comments

When Life Gives You a Toilet Seat…

Today I may or may not have broken my toilet seat.

I may or may not have boxed it up, created a shipping label to disguise it as school books, and left it on my sister’s doorstep.

And I may or may not have included a note signed, “With love, Fred and George Weasley.”

hogwarts toilet seat 2

When life gives you a toilet seat, make… haste to wrap it up and give it to a friend!


6 Comments

Teen Werewolves Invade My Disney Vacation

You may have noticed my blog has been pretty neglected the past few weeks. Or maybe you haven’t noticed because you’ve been just as busy watching Teen Wolf as I have.

For those of you who don’t know, Teen Wolf is a teen paranormal drama on MTV. It’s loosely based on an 80s movie I’ve never seen… and it’s kind of been running my life for the last few weeks.

It all started about two months ago, when I wanted to do something nice for my sister. Teen Wolf didn’t really look like my thing. I don’t like horror/gore. I’m not huge on romance. But my sister loves Warm Bodies, City of Bones, etc. Teen Wolf seemed somewhere in that zone, so out of the goodness of my heart I endeavored to introduce her to her new favorite TV show.

After the first episode, I thought, “Huh. That was actually pretty good.” Three episodes in, I wondered, “How many seasons of this have they made??” By the fifth episode, I was hurling things at my computer screaming, “STUPID GEICO COMMERCIAL! STOP INTERRUPTING MY SHOW! I WILL NEVER BUY YOUR INSURANCE!! NEVER EVER EVER EV– ooh! Stiles is back.”

So in the end my sister ended up introducing me to my new favorite show. She even bought me the first season for an early Valentine’s gift. My parents followed it up with the best birthday gifts ever – Season 2 and Season 3 Part 1!

Basically, my family is the best.

I’ve been racing to catch up before the finale, and now I’m sort of seeing Teen Wolf everywhere. Even at the Happiest Place on Earth. To prove it, I snapped some pictures.

On Toy Story Mania, my sis and I ended up in Stiles’ car!

24

On Haunted Mansion, we spotted birds like the ones that attacked Ms. Blake’s classroom. You know, when Stiles shielded Lydia with his body? And anti-romantic me actually uttered an, “Aww!”

haunted mansion bird

As we exited Haunted Mansion I snapped a pic of this awesome window, which reminded me of the gates at Eichen House and (*sobs internally*) Oak Creek:

eichen house

In Liberty Square, I advised my sis to be her own anchor:

anchor

As we passed the London section on Small World, my sister whispered to me, “Wave hi to Jackson.” I’ve never been prouder. 😉

jackson in london

I got a little choked up by Small World’s wall of goodbyes.

goodbye

Because we’ve already said goodbye to [spoiler] and with the finale looming I’m sure we’ll soon be bidding at least one other person adieu.

But that’s a downer, so on to Epcot’s Flower and Garden Festival, where my sister caught me making advances on this shrub. Why? Because Bambi is our nickname for Isaac. No offense intended. We love Isaac. But he’s got those big innocent Bambi eyes. Observe:

bambi vs isaac

I’m even seeing Teen Wolf at work. I was tempted to scrawl “De-” on the front of this Void stamp (I resisted):

void

When the vending machine ate my money, I came *this close* to employing the patented Stiles (or Boyd) method of snack extraction:

vending machine

Even the Veronica Mars movie, which I’ve been looking forward to FOREVER, couldn’t escape a Teen Wolf comparison. It’s their own fault, really, for opening with a case wall crisscrossed with red yarn just like the one Stiles has. All I could picture was this…

Lydia

…and imagine that after a quick chat with the yarn Lydia could’ve solved the murder in time to go ice skating with Stiles, Scott, and Allison. (Again, no hate intended. I ❤ Veronica)

So there it is. My name is Jayme and I have a Teen Wolf problem.

The problem is that it’s only Sunday… and the finale isn’t until Monday. 😉

How about you guys? What’s your secret (or not so secret) TV obsession? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.